Online Dating. At first you were skeptical, but as the social stigma wore off and the pressure of your ambitious 60-hour workweek began, you thought you’d bite the bullet and see what all the fuss was about. You were excited by the potential – Meet beautiful, interesting women who lived in your area without ever having to leave the house? Sounded great so far. As you sent your first few (or first few hundred) emails, you envisioned your perfect woman – how her face would soften when you leaned in to kiss her, the subtle, sexy scent of her skin, the mischief in her smile, and the way her eyes would light up when you walked into the room. You imagined her kind and trustworthy, and then with a loud, unmistakable pop, your fantasy bubble burst. She never responded to your email.
If you’ve posted an online dating profile, but are scratching your head as to why you didn't get as many responses as you had hoped (or at least one), this article is for you. A step-by-step guide to your new and improved profile - plus a few hints on how to get your dream girl to reply.
DO: Use your profile name to tell her something about yourself. You look dumb if you're using AverageJoe78 or Looking4U69. Rule of Thumb: If you'd be embarrassed to say it to her face...it’s probably not a good idea.
DON’T: Use stupid or girly words in your screen name. ANY combination of the words “joyous” or “silly” will not get you taken seriously. You’ll end up being the guy she takes to lunch to gossip about the guys she does date. I think you get the picture.
The first thing she will do is look at your picture. If she can't imagine for even a second her smiling face next to yours, it will be an uphill battle. However, you can combat her urge to click elsewhere by being as thoughtful with your photo as you are with your words.
DO: Show a close-up. Your eyes are the most engaging part of your face. If you’re wearing sunglasses or the photo is too far away, how will she ever be hypnotized by those great peepers of yours? Ask a female friend to take some photos of you. You can try different poses to find your best look.
DON’T: Post naked or semi-naked photos of yourself. Naked from the waist up (and definitely from the waist down) says perv, freak or just looking to get laid. Repeat: Naked from the waist up (and definitely from the waist down) says perv, freak or just looking to get laid. There is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY around this. If you are a perv, freak or just looking to get laid, please do keep your naked pictures up! We like knowing how to avoid you. Don’t get me wrong…Women like nice bodies, but some things we like to find out on our own. If you are a nice guy with a nice body, let her find out just how nice when the moment is right.
DO: Keep it simple. If you’re trying too hard to be clever, it will show. If creativity isn’t your strong suit, use a positive trait about yourself or a simple quote that reflects your positive outlook instead.
DON’T: Forget to put your best foot forward. “Creative Thinker” says something good about you. ”ADD Boy” or “I’ve got a rash” while possibly true, does not serve as your best introduction.
DO: Tell the truth. Be honest about who you are and what you’re looking for. Another tip? Be willing to be friends first and say so. Men that think the best relationships start as great friendships score big. Why? There’s less pressure on both of you to be “The One”, and she won’t feel like she'll have to fend off your octopus hands if she says yes to a first date.
DON’T: Write a book. You want to attract her attention enough for her to want to find out more. And leave the big ones - religion and politics - for at least your first date. She may like that you're opinionated or be turned on by a good debate, but save it until after she’s at least told you her last name.
DO: Use spell check and double-check your profile for easy grammar mistakes. When you force a girl to slog through “your” instead of “you're” or “there” instead of “their” or “they're”, she assumes you’re (or was that “your”) either dumb or that you just don’t care.
DON’T: Insert sexual innuendo into every section of your profile. Yes, we all know you're a red hot- blooded man. But let’s try to get you a first date, ok? Show her your gentlemanly side before you move in for the kill.
It’s easy to forget that the database you peruse is filled with actual people.
DO: Remember what your mother told you and be polite. A potty mouth reflects badly on you (and your mother).
DON’T: Narrow your preferences so much that your Cinderella slips through your fingers. Make sure the categories you rule out (dogs, cats, birds?) are really deal breakers before you write someone off or alienate your audience.
When you approach a woman online think of it as approaching her in real life. Remember: If you'd be embarrassed to say it to her face...
DO: Tell her why you chose her. Tell her what compelled you to write to her. One of the nice things about online dating is that you don't have to come up with something on the spot. Comment on something she's written in her profile. And always make sure to ask her a question. This is the bottom line secret to getting to the next step in almost any communication. Generally people feel compelled to give a response if asked for one. Use this to your advantage.
DON’T: Use winks or icons to express your interest. We all like compliments, but winking is for wimps! The wink is the weakest way to approach, and you're smoother than that, right? Take the chance and introduce yourself instead.
Dating can be awkward…on either side of the fence. Better to bridge the gap with humor and a bit of humility than risking her thinking you might be a jerk. Most of all have fun. Now go get her, champ!
