What went wrong?

My guess is that there wasn’t enough foreplay. What? How can that be? He wined her and dined her. He kissed her. He played her favorite albums. He dimmed the lights. He had even taken out the trash and put away his laundry. If that’s not foreplay, what is?

Well, according to one dictionary foreplay is “the sexual stimulation that precedes intercourse.” That sounds pretty basic, right? But I’m not talking about “heavy petting” necessarily. I’m talking about intellectual or psychological stimulation. Believe it or not, that’s what women want. We crave it! It’s what turns us on...more than champagne and Dave Matthews and yummy cologne. Because while it’s very flattering to know that there is physical interest, knowing that you are interested in what is happening between our ears is even more exciting.

Foreplay should physically stimulate you and psychologically relax you. Both of you. And while it doesn’t always lead to sex right away, it’s still fun! And it can be subtle...it doesn’t have to be overt or overly sexual. Think FLIRTING. Even if you’ve been with your partner for years, flirt with her.

Say you have a date planned for the evening. Don’t wait until that night to start with the foreplay. Instead, try calling her during the day just to let her know that you’re thinking about her. Tell her how you can’t wait to see her that night and how sexy you think she is. Send her a naughty text. Ask her what she’s thinking about as well as what she’s wearing.

Once you see her, hold her hand, touch her hair, look deeply into her eyes. Tell her something about your day. Not what you had for lunch, but something more intimate. Maybe even let her in on something that makes you feel vulnerable. Let her know something new about you.

As things progress and as the evening goes on don’t rush to the physical, but be playful. Lean over and whisper in her ear. Say something sexy.  

Surprise her.

Look into her eyes and think about kissing her, undressing her. Hold her gaze. And when you do kiss her, really kiss her. Again, even if you’ve been together for a while and you don’t experience those first rushes of passion like you used to, kiss her as if it’s the first time. Go ahead and French kiss her.  (The French know what they’re doing!!)

So, dinner is over and you’re on to the next. I’m sure you'll know what to do. When physical foreplay ensues and you’ll have a good time, but don’t let go of the intellectual intimacy! Continue to whisper in her ear and tease her and make sure to laugh together. I guarantee you can’t go wrong.