Dear J in Greensboro,
Since your new love interest is in one of your classes, why not ask her if she wants to study for the next test together, or start a regular study group. With a less formal setting than the classroom, you have a prime opportunity to find out more about her, and her about you. If the sparks are there, you’ll both feel it. That said, a good way to start building up your confidence is to make sure you’re keeping your own needs a top priority. Once you’ve spent a little more time getting to know her outside of class, make sure she’s really someone you’d like to ask out. Is she nice? Smart? Cool? Girls like a guy who knows what he wants...and also what he doesn’t. When you allow yourself to evaluate what you really want (as opposed to being scared that she’ll either like you or not) you’ll feel differently about yourself and that will definitely shine through. Good luck!  

Dear Mike in West Palm Beach,
It seems like you have experienced some of your girlfriend’s excess baggage- lovingly referred to as the feline complex. The need single women have to adopt furry little friends that we treat like a babies in lieu of the real thing. I understand this can be scary but you can put things in the right direction; so both you and the cats can share the affection of your special lady.

First, you really need to re-assess the situation. Are you getting frustrated because the cats are nipping at your foot when you are trying to (I guess we don’t need to describe the act you should know what I am getting at)? Or it is the way that she talks to her cats; her voice inflection could cause you to look at her more like a mother than a hot chick. Unfortunately you can’t ask her to abandon her animals just for you.

 So if you really like her and want to make things work, a better option is to learn how to live alongside the cats. This can be frustrating I know. I once dated a guy with a dog he loved more than me. His dog had full share of the bed. To make matters worse the dog always had a good spot and I was the one hanging of the side of the bed with the dog asleep on my leg or arm. Secondly, he jokingly introduced the dog as his first girlfriend and me as his second. Which was funny or maybe even cute the first time I heard it but it quickly turned lame. I finally had to tell him that I was sick of feeling second to the dog.  And luckily he did make some changes like having the dog sleep in her dog bed instead of on his bed. I recommend that you voice your concerns on how you aren’t much of a cat person and you would prefer if the cats stayed off the bed. Then take her out to dinner, sweet-talk her, and hope that she takes the initiative to make things better for your relationship.  

Aaron from NYC,
It seems you experienced the plot line of Charles Dickens book Great Expectations. It sucks when your expectations don’t correlate with reality. When you and your lady friend first meet you were at a wedding (normally an upbeat environment) where not to be cliché but “love is in the air”.  I am sure she was happy to talk to you since you weren’t immediate family. Likewise you were probably happy to talk to her to avoid being the one stuck dancing with the bride’s crazy drunk aunt. So I can see how things went well the first time you meet.

Well onto the awkward second “date”. I am sure it was weird for both of you to see each other again especially after a year. The weirdness factor is amplified by the fact that you spent the evening with not only her but your friend and his wife. You probably had a whole scenario in your head about how the evening was going to progress. You possibly even cleaned up your apartment assuming she might be “staying the night”. But don’t feel bad because I guarantee you she was probably thinking the same thing. Actually women are always guilty of building up a man. Even though she only met you once she could have gone as far as even thinking of names for your future kids! I guess it is just human nature to fabricate these expectations. More so since you haven’t seen her in a year you have nothing to compare these “ideals” against. Then you went out for the second time you realized she is not like how you imagined in your head.

My recommendation is if you feel like the second date was fun and just a little awkward that’s normal. Remember is has been a year. I would tell you to get her number from your friend and call her again. Meet up a third date, this time just you and her, and take it from there. But if you felt that the two of you were both completely indifferent than chalk it up to the booze and the wedding environment and continue your search of finding a good partner.

Dear Sammy from Vegas,
This sounds like an interesting choice of reading material.  Approaching and making conversation with someone you don’t know is always nerve racking.  The difficulty is amplified when you have to do it at a crowded place with multiple distractions, like a bar. 

So many men often resort to pick up lines or strategies.  But you must remember that your “opening line” is only an introduction and it is the full package women are concentrating on.  If you walk into a bar and are nicely dressed and confident you will immediately peak women’s interest.  I am not saying you need to look like the guys from a Night at the Roxbury but you don’t want to look like you just walked in from the basketball court either. 

Ok that is just a side note so onto the bigger question of using pick up lines.  I lived in Los Angeles for a few years were I came across many men that would consider themselves as pick up artists.  But I recall these men where always single and on the hunt if you will. 

Honestly, I am not a big fan of pick up lines. 

1. Women want to feel like you approached them for a reason, like you think they are beautiful and you see possible dating potential.  And not that you have gone up to every girl in the bar using the same tired pick up line. 
2. We perceive pick up strategies as being some type of masterminded scheme.  (If you use a pick up strategy and it works, that’s great, but you might not be attracting the type of girl that you would want to have a relationship with.  Then again I guess that all depends on what you are looking for!)
3. Furthermore, pick up techniques could affect a possible relationship.  Especially if you lie about your profession: like telling a beautiful girl at the bar you are a successful surgeon when you are really a construction worker.  Even if you go out on a few dates and things are going well she will eventually find out what you told her was a fabricated lie.  This is never a good way to enter into a relationship. 

Anthony from Hermosa Beach,
I definitely understand the complexity of your situation. Relationships are hard work. Furthermore, it is normal for both partners to become comfortable and no longer put effort into spicing up their relationship. You can look at this situation like a fork in the road. You're unsure which path to choose because each path has it's own unique qualities. Nevertheless, you don't want to make a hasty decision. Instead put some thought into which path you want to choose because, as the old saying goes, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

It seems that you still have feelings for your girlfriend. While you might not want to break up with her, it's even worse to string her along and eventually cheat on her. Just breaking up with your girlfriend because you met a super cool hot chick isn't always the best rationale. Wouldn't it suck if you started dating the "smoking hot" girl and she turned out to be a complete psycho!

So to help clarify which path you should choose I recommend planning a weekend trip with your girlfriend. You don't need to travel far, just as long as you are removed from the distractions of your normal environment. This will allow you to concentrate on each other. If you have a fun weekend then maybe it is worth it to make this relationship work. On the other hand, if you fight the whole weekend maybe it is time for you to break up and ask the girl from the bar out on a date. I hope this helps to make a complex situation a little less difficult.